Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Monday, May 21, 2018
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation of one person to the benefit of another by distorting reality, memory, and one's connection to the 'truth'.
Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. Gas Lighting relationship stories have surfaced all over the internet. Individuals are sharing their stories of gaslighting abuse in hopes in help others overcome the struggles of this mental abuse, but what does it mean to “Gaslight” someone? The term is fairly new but this behavior is not. The term “Gaslight” means to manipulate a person into questioning their own sanity. Though the word is often used to describe romantic relationships, it can describe professional relationships as well. It is also used to describe a certain personality typed held by an individual, usually manipulative.
If you have been in a relationship that involved abuse, consider reading and/or watching the source materials below to better understand this intense and deceptive form of abuse that often anchors other labeled abuses: sexual, emotional, and physical abuse.
Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. Gas Lighting relationship stories have surfaced all over the internet. Individuals are sharing their stories of gaslighting abuse in hopes in help others overcome the struggles of this mental abuse, but what does it mean to “Gaslight” someone? The term is fairly new but this behavior is not. The term “Gaslight” means to manipulate a person into questioning their own sanity. Though the word is often used to describe romantic relationships, it can describe professional relationships as well. It is also used to describe a certain personality typed held by an individual, usually manipulative.
10 Gaslighting Signs in an Abusive Relationship
Informative Videos
[focusing on Narcissism and Gaslighting]
- Attachment Theory: How Your Childhood Shaped You by SciShow
- Dealing With Narcissists – Let God Defend You Through His Goodness
- Gaslighting -- Emotional Abuse Videos
- ENDING A RELATIONSHIP: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?
- How to deal with gaslighting | Ariel Leve | by TED Archive
- 20 Signs You Are Being Gaslighted! Psychological Abuse by Narcissists & Sociopaths by Patrick Wanis
- Gaslighting – How A Narcissist Destroys You By Eroding Your Sanity By Melanie Tonia Evans
- Gaslighting & Manipulation.. the Narcissist's Favorite Things! By Stephanie Lyn Coaching
- Finally, A Good Gaslighting Explanation! Dysfunctional Relationships & Human Magnet Syndrome By Ross Rosenberg
- 10 Signs You're Being Manipulated By A Narcissist, Sociopath, or Psychopath By Infinite Waters (Diving Deep)
- What is Gaslighting? | Kati Morton on mental health | by Kati Morton
- Gaslighting and Ambient Abuse by Sam Vaknin
- 10 Relationship Red Flags of Abuse by Psych2Go
- What is Gaslighting? by The National Domestic Violence Hotline
- 5 Ways to Disarm Toxic People by Psych2Go
- 10 Types of Emotional Manipulation by Psych2Go
- Signs You're Dating a Narcissist by Psych2Go
Friday, May 11, 2018
Things to read in the future...
“Because the classical educator believes in a real world that gives up ordered knowledge of itself, he teaches the student how to get that knowledge. The seven liberal arts were quite deliberately developed for precisely that reason. Believing that we can know truth, and believing that truth sets us free, classical educators spent thousands of years refining the tools of truth-seeking that were used from the beginning of time, but were first codified by Aristotle."
- Andrew Kern, in "What is the Difference Between Classical and Conventional Education”
Ask the questions and see where they take you.
Monday, February 26, 2018
An Evil and Wicked Heart by Leslie Vernick
The content below is not my own.
"5 Indicators of An Evil and Wicked Heart" comes from IBelieve.com and was written by Leslie Vernick in 2015.
If you have read my post about Narcissism and Gas Lighting, you will find the article below very revealing.
I hope it brings you much peace as you move through difficult interactions with those in your life.
Originally posted to IBelieve.com on 2015 January 22 by Leslie Vernick. Content Retrieved 26 January 2018 through https://www.ibelieve.com/blogs/inside-ibelieve/5-indicators-of-an-evil-and-wicked-heart.html.
As Christian counselors, pastors and people helpers we often have a hard time discerning between an evil heart and an ordinary sinner who messes up, who isn’t perfect, and full of weakness and sin.
I think one of the reasons we don’t “see” evil is because we find it so difficult to believe that evil individuals actually exist. We can’t imagine someone deceiving us with no conscience, hurting others with no remorse, spinning outrageous fabrications to ruin someone’s reputation, or pretending he or she is spiritually committed yet has no fear of God before his or her eyes.
The Bible clearly tells us that among God’s people there are wolves that wear sheep’s clothing (Jeremiah 23:14; Titus 1:10; Revelations 2:2). It’s true that every human heart is inclined toward sin (Romans 3:23), and that includes evil (Genesis 8:21; James 1:4). We all miss God’ mark of moral perfection. However, most ordinary sinners do not happily indulge evil urges, nor do we feel good about having them. We feel ashamed and guilty, rightly so (Romans 7:19–21). These things are not true of the evil heart.
Below are five indicators that you may be dealing with an evil heart rather than an ordinary sinful heart. If so, it requires a radically different treatment approach.
1. Evil hearts are experts at creating confusion and contention.
They twist the facts, mislead, lie, avoid taking responsibility, deny reality, make up stories, and withhold information. (Psalms 5:8; 10:7; 58:3; 109:2–5; 140:2; Proverbs 6:13,14; 6:18,19; 12:13; 16:20; 16:27, 28; 30:14; Job 15:35; Jeremiah 18:18; Nehemiah 6:8; Micah 2:1; Matthew 12:34,35; Acts 6:11–13; 2 Peter 3:16)
2. Evil hearts are experts at fooling others with their smooth speech and flattering words.
But if you look at the fruit of their lives or the follow through of their words, you will find no real evidence of godly growth or change. It’s all smoke and mirrors. (Psalms 50:19; 52:2,3; 57:4; 59:7; 101:7; Proverbs 12:5; 26:23–26; 26:28; Job 20:12; Jeremiah 12:6; Matthew 26:59; Acts 6:11–13; Romans 16:17,18; 2 Corinthians 11:13,14; 2 Timothy 3:2–5; 3:13; Titus 1:10,16).
3. Evil hearts crave and demand control, and their highest authority is their own self-reference.
They reject feedback, real accountability, and make up their own rules to live by. They use Scripture to their own advantage but ignore and reject passages that might require self-correction and repentance. (Romans 2:8; Psalms 10; 36:1–4; 50:16–22; 54:5,6; 73:6–9; Proverbs 21:24; Jude 1:8–16).
4. Evil hearts play on the sympathies of good-willed people, often trumping the grace card.
They demand mercy but give none themselves. They demand warmth, forgiveness, and intimacy from those they have harmed with no empathy for the pain they have caused and no real intention of making amends or working hard to rebuild broken trust. (Proverbs 21:10; 1 Peter 2:16; Jude 1:4).
5. Evil hearts have no conscience, no remorse.
They do not struggle against sin or evil—they delight in it—all the while masquerading as someone of noble character. (Proverbs 2:14–15; 10:23; 12:10; 21:27,29; Isaiah 32:6; Romans 1:30; 2 Corinthians 11:13–15)
If you are working with someone who exhibits these characteristics, it’s important that you confront them head on. You must name evil for what it is. The longer you try to reason with them or show mercy towards them, the more you, as the Christian counselor, will become a pawn in his or her game.
They want you to believe that:
1. Their horrible actions should have no serious or painful consequences.
When they say “I’m sorry,” they look to you as the pastor or Christian counselor to be their advocate for amnesty with the person he or she has harmed. They believe grace means they are immediately granted immunity from the relational fallout of their serious sin. They believe forgiveness entitles them to full reconciliation and will pressure you and their victim to comply.
The Bible warns us saying, “But when grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness; even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil and do not regard the majesty of the Lord (Isaiah 26:10).
The Bible tells us that talking doesn’t wake up evil people, but painful consequences might. Jesus didn’t wake up the Pharisee’s with his talk nor did God’s counsel impact Cain (Genesis 4). In addition, the Bible shows us that when someone is truly sorry for the pain they have caused, he or she is eager to make amends to those they have harmed by their sin (see Zacchaeus’ response when he repented of his greed in Luke 19).
Tim Keller writes, “If you have been the victim of a heinous crime. If you have suffered violence, and the perpetrator (or even the judge) says, ‘Sorry, can’t we just let it go?’ You would say, ‘No, that would be an injustice.’ Your refusal would rightly have nothing to do with bitterness or vengeance. If you have been badly wronged, you know that saying sorry is never enough. Something else is required—some kind of costly payment must be made to put things right.”1
As Biblical counselors let’s not collude with the evil one by turning our attention to the victim, requiring her to forgive, to forget, to trust again when there has been no evidence of inner change. Proverbs says, “Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips” (Proverbs. 25:19). It’s foolishness.
The evil person will also try to get you to believe
2. That if I talk like a gospel-believing Christian I am one, even if my actions don’t line up with my talk.
Remember, Satan masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:13–15). He knows more true doctrine than you or I will ever know, but his heart is wicked. Why? Because although he knows the truth, he does not believe it or live it.
The Bible has some strong words for those whose actions do not match their talk (1 John 3:17,18; Jeremiah 7:8,10; James 1:22, 26). John the Baptist said it best when he admonished the religious leaders, “Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God” (Luke 3:8).
If week after week you hear the talk but there is no change in the walk, you have every reason to question someone’s relationship with God.
Part of our maturity as spiritual leaders is that we have been trained to discern between good and evil. Why is that so important? It’s important because evil usually pretends to be good, and without discernment we can be easily fooled (Hebrews 5:14).
When you confront evil, chances are good that the evil heart will stop counseling with you because the darkness hates the light (John 3:20) and the foolish and evil heart reject correction (Proverbs 9:7,8). But that outcome is far better than allowing the evil heart to believe you are on his or her side, or that “he’s not that bad” or “that he’s really sorry” or “that he’s changing” when, in fact, he is not.
Daniel says, “[T]he wicked will continue to be wicked” (Daniel 12:10), which begs the question, do you think an evil person can really change?
[1] Tim Keller, Jesus the King, page 172
Monday, February 19, 2018
Forgiveness
Praying for Wisdom
As Easter approaches...think about
- LOVE,
- BETRAYAL,
- ABANDONMENT,
- SUFFERING, and
- FORGIVENESS.
"Above all, love one another deeply, because
love covers over a multitude of sins."
God LOVED the world so much
that:
- He sent His only
Son (Jesus) to us -- here on Earth
- to a place where
He (God) could not be--God does not dwell with sin
- to pay for our
sin -- all sin must be punished
- to set us free
-- so that we (forgiven of our sins) can be with God after our bodies
pass away.
But the world BETRAYED Him (Jesus).
The world ABANDONED Him (Jesus).
And still He (Jesus) LOVED us, SUFFERED for us, and FORGAVE us.
This Easter, please focus on this lesson
in LOVE and FORGIVENESS.
- Anyone you need to FORGIVE, please do.
- Anyone you need FORGIVENESS from, please contact.
1 Peter 4: Living for God's
Glory
1 Therefore, since Christ suffered in
His body, arm yourselves with the same resolve, because anyone who has suffered
in his body is done with sin. 2 Consequently, he does not live out
his remaining time on earth for human passions, but for the will of
God. 3 For you have spent enough time in the past carrying out the
same desires as the pagans: living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies,
carousing, and detestable idolatry.
4 Because of this, they consider it strange
of you not to plunge with them into the same flood of reckless indiscretion,
and they heap abuse on you. 5 But they will have to give an account
to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. 6 That is why the
gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be
judged as men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.
7 The end of all things
is near. Therefore be clear-minded and sober, so you can pray. 8
Above all, love one another deeply, because love covers over a multitude
of sins. 9 Show hospitality to one another without complaining.
10 As good stewards of the manifold grace
of God, each of you should use whatever gift he has received to serve one
another. 11 If anyone speaks, he should speak as one conveying the
words of God. If anyone serves, he should serve with the strength God supplies,
so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be the
glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.
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